A Dose of Fairytale...

and a big slap in life.

Reality is harsh and life is tough sometimes.. and thats when I turn to another dose of the fairytale tonight..just to have a big slap to my face at the same time.

Unlike most who wanted to be Cinderella, I had always wanted to be Tinkerbell (not the hand carry luggage version of Paris Hilton's ugly chihuahua). I love her for being petite, and vain like myself *blush* I love her attitude, her style, her being a spoilt brat, and most of all, her magic dust. It's Tinkerbell - Peter Pan's Tinkerbell, geddit?


NOT this (Eew.. no freaking way i wanted to be that poor thing!) :

but this.. ^_^:

and my childhood hero had always been Peter Pan. I wanna go with Peter everywhere in Neverland, play with the Lost Boys and make fun of Hook and Captain Smee.. oh, I really do love love love Peter Pan..

Yet here I am, today, realising what a big mistake it had been.

I realized I had always been Tinkerbell all around.. I had always wanted to be with Peter and completely wept out Wendy from my own version of Peter Pan story.. I had always have this tale of Peter Pan and Tinkerbell without Wendy.. and yet I woke up every now and then, and realised that there wasn't just Peter and Tinks, there is also Wendy..as in, Peter & Wendy.

and Tinkerbell, she just had to give way..

She's jealous. She's angry and dissapointed. She lost her magic dust power. She lost her charm, weak and lifeless.. sad and lonely... and she's dying inside. She lived on.. but she never really knows how to carry on, she shrugged and fell, stand again and again she fell.. that's when she decides to take her sweet time to cry her heart out.


"Do you believe in fairies? I do! I do!"


But she found the encouragement, the faith and support she needed... and she tried hard again to stand up.. weak and wobbly at first, but she will have to keep trying, with all the faith from the kids all round the world.. they belive in fairies.. they do.. they do.. They believe in her. They have faith in her. And she knows she has to be strong again, not only for herself, but also for the people who have so much faith in her.. have so much love for her.


With this, I just want to say thank you to every single one of you who has been so encouraging and supportive during my darkest period.. and I promise you, I will be a better person, and as for Tinkerbell, I will let her stay in my childhood memories. I will grow up and close all the Neverland chapters in my life..



Goodbye Neverland, Goodbye Peter.

and take care, Tinkerbell..

Words that makes you go AH!

"If all the jobs in the world pays the same, what would you rather do?"

I was asked a question by a colleague earlier today. And it left me so dumbstrucked that I struggled to answer.. like, what would I rather do? Apart from eating out and going shopping, I seriously have zero things in mind.. and here i am, 26, and don't even know what exactly I want.

OMG. So ashamed.

I asked him back, and he said he'd rather be a carpenter.. well. thats not bad, aye? At least he know what he wants.. leaving me feeling smaller and smaller with each passing seconds..

It's been a few hours since.. and I am still doing some serious thinking.
someone help me!! I'll be going to bed tonight with that question in my mind...

What's wrong with my eggs, anyway?

Shit! I've just write a long post and deleted it accidentally!!! Oh GOD!!! Anyway, here are the bits and pieces.. T_T

Eggs are still eggs no matter how they are laid.. right?
So what's the difference between caged eggs, barn and free-range eggs, anyway?

See, as a normal human being that I am, I would relate to this scenario: when you walk into the supermarket to get some eggs, 9 out of 10 people would definitely choose the cheapest one they could get (9 normal people, 1 slightly questionable). I mean, human instinct would naturally choose what they think is the best for them, and nowadays, best = always better dollar value. Right? And what would happen would be one of these:

1. Buy the Home-Branded yummy caged eggs which taste exactly the same as the expensive ones.. at $2.69 instead of paying an extra 2-3 dollars.
2. In the case of egg-desperation momento (usually happens after 10 at night when the stock of the yummy caged eggs ran out), people would hesitantly buy the more expensive (same taste) eggs because its part of their diet.
3. In the attempt of doing number 2 above, their face would lit up when a box of yummy caged eggs suddenly appears in some other shelf (due to people trying to hide it somewhere, I suppose) --> Trust me, I am a part timer in a major supermarket. This things do happen!
4. Sometimes, I even met a few parents buying the yummy caged eggs dozen with even one or two broken eggs inside. Still better than paying the extra for nothing, huh?

Why am I even writing a lame post about eggs? Well, it started of one fine day in Sydney when I was talking to my sis. Here is how it went:

Me : "Hey, you don't need to buy any eggs for now on. I will supply you your daily egg needs from now on".
Sis : (Hesitantly) " Ok.. "

(Silent)

Sis : " Just make sure they are not caged eggs".
Me : " Huh? What is caged eggs? Is that like a brand or something? (Yes, I don't even know there are different kind of eggs at that point). I only bought the home brand (cheapest) ones. Good value! "
Sis : " No. Those are caged eggs. I had been buying and will only buy free range eggs".
Sis : (Slightly horrified) " You have no idea how much the hens suffered just to laid eggs for you".
Me : ??
(but what have I done wrong? I paid for the eggs. It's not like I'm stealing the eggs right after they laid it, hello?)
Sis : " Do you know that those hens were put into those wired caged and being forced to lay eggs for you". (WHY ME again?). " They don't even have enough room to flap their wings or move. Poor things..and the eggs are even not good for the health".
Me : ....(((@_@))).... (I am not hen, I am human.. and I paid for my eggs, know what I mean?)

Like seriously, okay, so I do love animals too, but let me set this straight.. as much as I love animals, I, too, love my dollar value too. Please, if I could get a dozen of the yummy caged eggs (EGGS ok?) for $2.69; why would I pay an extra 2-3 dollar for other well, free range or RSPCA-approved eggs or whatever they called it (still EGGS ok?) at $5.50 or $6.00. Anyone with a clear mind who loves eggs would naturally buy what they think is the best, right? And by saying that, the answer is obvious.. unless, if they tell you that caged eggs would harm your health or lead to unnatural death or something like that..Especially now, when time is hard and you have your young kids and family to feed, it does make a difference.

As for me (and my sis) who practically lives on whatever we earn, probably it's not much of a big deal.. so for the sake of trying (and stay out of argument), I would, from now on, start to TRY to buy free- range eggs.. and I will keep you update if I'd ever found any difference. *sighs*. Can't imagine me buying VIP eggs from now on..

I don't really want to argue about eggs but its just that I feel its somewhat illogical. Even if I join the fight against caged eggs and stop buying them, 90% of the world population would still buy what's economically good for them. And they would still get the same tasty yummy caged eggs. And if what they said about those yummy caged eggs being unhealthy, then why would the government still allow us to consume them? And the seller to keep selling them.. and even worse, let the caged-eggs farmer keep their job? Just a thought..

PS. You might want to check this out.. I got this from the RSPCA site:
" Preventing hens from performing these natural behaviours causes immense frustration." and "Evidence from research suggests that "battery cages cause suffering to hens in at least 7 different ways"

Well, pity the hens, but pity us too.. because eventually, assuming that eggs are still eggs no matter where or how in the world it is laid, what really matters is the value of your dollar. MMWWHa ha ha ha .... (wicked laugh echoing in the background).

I Fucking HATE YOU.

I thought I was doing well and fine.. but in fact, im not.

Damn. its been almost a year and half and by now i should have gotten over whatever happens.. the fact that we broke up and his wedding plan with his new gf, and every fights and dramas in between..

I felt horrible today. I felt like my old self and I despise this feeling. Congratulations, anyway, yesterday's your wedding day. I couldnt attend.. I was too busy making myself busy so I could face the day.. 我不知道怎么面对..I asked someone to tell you that I am still overseas and I ran into your bestie today.. Thanks again for making me feel like a loser.

Fuck! I HATE YOU!! I HATE YOU!! I HATE YOU!!!!

You dont have to tell me what I should or should not do with my life. You shouldnt have to tell me that I should stop doing what I do. You shouldnt have to tell me that I need to improve my life, or that I am stopping you from pursuing your career and all those fucking bullshit you made up. You shouldnt have to tell me that you worry too much about your financial future and all those fuck because I dont want a single cent from you. I have always been and always will be independent on my financial matter, mister, as you can see. And you shouldnt have tell me what I should be doing with my life because it is NONE of your FUCKING business. I do what I like, when I like, the way I like it! You either support me or FUCK OFF!! Dont try to preach me how to live my life like you are some kind of smart asshole.

So, again congratulations on your wedding, asshole.. she's rich (and fugly, btw) and I hope you get what you want now. And please, stop pestering me and stop keeping any eyes on me because I have a life to get on to. I have a business of MY OWN to mind.

And please.... finding a rich partner is not part of my financial plan. NEVER WAS. NEVER WILL.

FUCK YOU AND YOUR STUPID NONSENSE!!

Starting over, 26

I was my oldself
' Twas my life before today
Dissapointed, sad, lonely, suicidal and fed up.
Waking up at nightime, sleeping by day.

I hated the sun
I hated everyone
I hated kids
I hated weekends
I hated everything
I hated him. I hated him the most I would cursed him as long as I live
I hated his new girlfriend I would murder her if I ever met her
I hated the thoughts that we were in love before
I hated the thoughts of him and his every words
I HATED every single thing in the world

but I decided it has to end somewhere

and so..

This is me
This is my blog
This is my journey starting over at 26
This is the promise I made to myself
To live again, to love and believe in myself again, and to once again, be strong.
This is my story of letting go, starting fresh and loving myself
All over again.

This is my new beginning.